Seven debaters remain in Last Debater Standing.

Alan Tauber
DB8 MissingLink

And I bet no one remembers this little provision that I put in the rules:

Note: The Final Debate Round may differ substantially from this format.


Final round rules will be loosely based on “worlds style” parliamentary debate and the final performance events in NBC’s Last Comic Standing. The rules are as follows:

  1. Resolution: Why Me?

  2. All debaters are “government” and must affirm the resolution.

  3. Each debater must post on this thread a speech not to exceed 1600 words in support of the resolution no later than noon Saturday CDT. Failure to post such a speech by that deadline will result in disqualification.

  4. After noon Saturday CDT but before 6pm Tuesday CDT, each debater must post on this thread a speech not to exceed 2000 words extending their original advocacy while distinguishing themselves from each other and highlighting the superiority of their arguments over others’. Failure to post such a speech will result in disqualification.

  5. Other than these two speeches, debaters may not post on this thread.

  6. Before 6pm Tuesday CDT, no one other than Catbert, Western Amy and the competing debaters may post on this thread.

  7. As of 6pm Tuesday, none of the remaining debaters may post on this thread. Ballots may then be submitted from any eliminated competitor or any other Net Benefits account holder that has had an account for at least 30 days OR who has at least 50 total posts. Anonymous accounts (Corax/Tisias) may not be used). Multiple ballots from the same person are not allowed (don’t try to use alias accounts). If any debater competing in this round attempts to submit a ballot, including by use of alias accounts, s/he will be disqualified. Ballots must be submitted by midnight on Wednesday, August 25th.

8 ) Ballots must rank all debaters that have not been disqualified from 1-X where X is the number of debaters (7, unless some debaters are disqualified). 1 is the highest rank. 7 is the lowest rank. Ballots must include an RFD for each rank expressing the opinion of the ballot author. Proxy votes or “suggested ballots” created by the debaters and spread around to their friends for posting are NOT allowed and will result in disqualification. Ballots that do not rank all eligible debaters will be ignored. Ties are not allowed.

  1. The debater with the lowest aggregate score when all ranks are tabulated will be the [i]Last Debater Standing[/i]. (Any ties in the aggregate rankings will be broken by Catbert.)

  2. Questions about these rules or any complaints may be sent to Catbert by IM or PM ONLY.

Let the Catfight begin.



Any appeals to voters to vote for you should be included in your speech. Debaters should avoid communicating with potential judges about this round in forums other than this one.

Put simply, its no fun if someone goes out and recruits “bought” judges to come vote for them. If I become aware of such activity, the debater involved will be disqualfied AND buried in dirty cat litter. If people want to generically encourage others to vote, that’s fine, but “come over and read this so you can vote for me” is uncool.


Why me?

Because I had the guts to post first.

Because combination of CS skills and low animal cunning lead to immunity domination.

Because I was scrupulously honest in all of my dealings with people, and didn’t have to stab anyone in the back to get here.

Because this is such an improvement from my mad stabbiness last summer, which hopefully you’ve forgotten by now, but if not I’ll accept your ballots anyway.

Because I beat two excellent debaters and you naturally value debating skills above all the crazy politicking in this game. And I didn’t even use T. Abram, you especially should appreciate this.

Because I just wrote you several pages of good CP arguments. cough Ian cough

Because you’re my favorite Marxist. cough Stannard cough

Because you’re the man, Lucy, but you’ll never figure out why unless you vote for me.

Because you’re amused that I passed two plans, one which puts me to the left of the Communist Party, and another which puts me to the right of Atilla the Hun, and I can actually do it in good conscience.

Because the Koz man loves me, or would if he knew me, at any rate.


Because I did my level best to help all you Missourians out.

Because you’re my partner, and I didn’t force you to run “Bush is the best president since FDR” in that “Vote Kerry” round. Even though I really wanted to. A lot.

Because it amuses you greatly that you know a debater who would admit, in public, to thinking that Bush is the best president since FDR.

Because you also think Bush is the best president since FDR.

Because the prize money would help defray the excessive costs of sushi here.

Because you can’t vote for both of the Starcraft debaters to win and, that round excepted, you know I had the coolest cases in LDS.

Because you learned something about algorithmic complexity or the Japanese legal system in the last couple of weeks, and have me to thank for it.

Because you now know someone who knows stuff about algorithmic complexity and the Japanese legal system, and thus don’t have to learn about them yourselves, you lucky bastards.

Because I’m not going to force you to go through 1600 words of bragging, but rather only about five hundred, and you might even get to laugh twice. Or three times, if you have really low standards.

Because I’m your favorite kitten-loving Japanese-speaking ex-NSA Republican.

Because you don’t want to disappoint that kitty.


[I]A Criterion
I proffer: not wit but will
Conquers over all.[/I]

I won’t waste your time with pity cries or fall to my knees before you…unless that makes you vote for me, in which case picture me bowing profusely and saying this in a frantic high pitched voice, otherwise I’m cool and confident and the Imperial March plays behind me. DUHNDUNHDUNH-Doodoodoo… :laser

Since pictures speak louder than words… so vote for this vivid rendition of what will happen to my opponents at the end of my speech. Vote for me because I’m visually stimulating. No, not that way. :rolleyes

[I]There once was a girl named Vegetathalas
She was as beautiful as a heremocallis
For many a day
She avoided the fray
Evading all other players’ malice.[/I]

Here’s why you’ll be voting for me.

  1. Smack Down. Who am I? Oh, you don’t remember me? Wasn’t I that one with the funny name that you couldn’t spell if Karl Rove had a nuclear warhead pressed to your frontal lobe? Didn’t catch me under your radar? Maybe that’s BECAUSE I WAS SO BUSY KICKING ASS! I wasn’t in the starcraft round, I wasn’t spouting pirates of the carribean quotes, not because I’m not hilarious but because I didn’t need to do either. I didn’t entertain you because the others found themselves too busy eating my dust. I hold a preposterous string of immunity wins- 4 in a row. This shows a) I learned from my mistakes- overconfidence was not MY weakness the second half of LDS b) I was really into this game. Yep, I clung harder than a drag queen on Simon Cowell. I’m in it to the end because I fought for it, and that, my friends is tenacity. It should be rewarded. Remember: winners win, and I’ve won a lot. It’s on a card so it must be true… :evidence

  2. Politics. Of course that doesn’t mean you should neglect my mad politicking skillz when signing your ballot…I always had plans within plans within plans within plans. Behind the scenes, I was in the middle of everything. I didn’t win because I needed to win- only once did my vote land in the minority- and that was only because of Alan’s carelessness and a surprise come-from-behind immunity win by the skilled Cait. Speaking of which…

  3. Loyalty. Or speak softly and carry a big…uh, boulder. I never betrayed an ally. Not that I didn’t have a certain bloodthirsty instinct, but there was no need to backstab. Sometimes the smartest move is to recognize something good and just stick with it. I did that- trying to help them every way I could. I also tried to be inclusive with my alliances- for instance trying to give our friends from across the pond an even shake. I tried to make friends with even my enemies. If there’s anyone out there who hates me, I’d be startled but pm me and we’ll chat.

  4. Resurrection. Now, some of you are going to be like wtf? How is losing the game a good thing? I’ll tell you: not only upon the conclusion of my lazarus-act did I gain zombie-cool powers, but it also proves that I can overcome handicaps. I am the only resurrected player to remain, despite the fact that us undead seemed to die faster than that crazy pog fad. They killed me once- they couldn’t do it again. And the fact that I wanted to play so badly I was willing to fight to get my way back in shows I was more committed than anyone else who didn’t endure the up-down process. :angel

  5. The Underdog. You can call me the “other” candidate. I made it this far despite having come in with the least to work with. I knew about five people in the game personally when I started this, and I was not the most active person in net benefits. I doubt more than a dozen people knew my name before I began to compete- maybe only a dozen of you know my name now, who knows? I have almost half as many posts as any of the other players, not because I’m a recluse but because I don’t usually have that strong an opinion about anything. Plus, I didn’t have the practice making alliances and such before the game- I didn’t even play last year. It’s my first time and yet I made it to finals- I think that’s impressive. In other words, the bonds I forged in the game were mostly from little to nothing- a conversation once, a nearby locale… That takes a lot more skill than relying on real-life relationships and deserves to be rewarded. Of course, even if it isn’t with the win, I do leave with something. I made many wonderful friends between this, OOII, and the Wyoming Coop, and I hope those will last. That’s a hint for my many new friends to come and vote for me, if you didn’t catch it…

  6. Bribery. It was inevitable that this would come up. What will I do with the winnings? Not only will I look waaay hotter than Princess Ian in my new nerdware, I will use the prize money for the good of the debate community. My twenty-first birthday is coming up and unless my new coach changes up the schedule too much, I’ll be down at Lewis & Clark’s tournament when my quest to find a bar that won’t kick me out finally comes to an end. It may not be as sexy as one of Stewie’s parties, but by giving me the win as an early birthday present, you a) have an excuse not to buy me drinks, b) will be able to bum a drink or two off me (or a banana split, if alcohol’s not your thing). But fifty bucks buys many a pabst and the partying will spill over to weekends to come. I will certainly be willing to buy you drinks at any tournament I see y’all at. If, of course, you vote for me. :drink

  7. Ruthlessness. The kitten is in the jar. Will it ever come out of the jar? It’s up to you.

So in the end you’re voting for the coolest avatar. For the most deserving. For Vegetathalas the victorious.

And I can’t imagine the great agony of a mom or dad having to make the decision about which child to pick up first on September the 11th either. Seriously. Vote me. :sexy


Why me? Because I deserve to win. I have three reasons your voting Alan Tauber at the end of this round.

  1. I played the hell out of this game. - I started forging alliances a month before the first round and they carried me through to the end. I had never played this game before. Hell, I’ve been out of the community for three years other than a quick trip to Nats in March. That means that I had no connection to anyone in the game, but forged all my alliances on the fly.

  2. Politics - Yeah, I stabbed people in the back. That’s a part of the game. But I started this alliance with one tight ally and I stuck with her through the bitter end. I played two alliances in my club against each other and never looked like the bad guy doing it. When I finally was forced to openly stab someone in the back, he initially didn’t believe it was on purpose (Sorry Dan. All part of the plan). I managed to make it through to the final round and only won immunity twice - once in the collapsed clubs, and once last week. Hell, I’m so good at the politics I even managed to arrange who was in my collapsed club.

  3. My game skills - Well I beat the cribbage master at his own game. That’s pretty badass. And I won a round arguing AGAINST extending the assault weapons ban. That’s not an easy win. I adapted to our critic from across the pond, which shows my openness to others.

I could go on for another couple hundred words, but I’d rather let my accomplishments speak for themselves.

Thank you for your time. I hope you all enjoyed the game as much as I did.



So. It is down to you, you, you, you, you, and you, and it is down to me.

I?ve enjoyed this game a lot over the last few weeks. It?s made me jump up and down, it?s made me curse (a LOT), it?s made me giddy, it?s made me pissed. It?s made me fight to get where I am, and that?s what any test of skill should do. Only one person can make it to the next level, though, and I think, through the course of this game, that I?ve earned it more than anyone else. And since I figure you’ll enjoy it more if I use names, there’ll be none of this “someone” or “one person” or any of that. I will name names.

First and foremost, I put it all out on the line way more than anyone else did. No one else, whether still in the game or eliminated, was scheduled to debate more than three times; Jenny hasn’t won more debates than she’s lost. I went out, do or die, five times. Only one week ? the second of the game ? was I eligible to debate and didn?t have to; I?ve even had to debate after winning immunity. I have had to do more in this game than anyone else has, and every time, I went out and put on the best debate I could. In the week before Endgame, I took on Marie because nobody else was willing to stand up and take their chance against her. And not only did I do all of this ? plus spent a night writing an in-depth PMC that never got debated ? but I was willing, while debating against my girlfriend, to do a practice round about Japanese military policy just because someone else wanted to. Catfight audience, I?ve put myself out there for your entertainment far more than anyone else, and time after time, I delivered whatever I thought you would enjoy.

I?ve fought against more than rounds, though; I?ve fought against people that I thought were my allies. Jed, Patrick, Jenny, and Alan have worked against me at some point. There?s nothing wrong with that; of course you?re going to work against other people. But Jed and Alan told me they were with me, and then slipped the knife into my back. By contrast, there is no one here who I have betrayed; no one who received a vote from me that didn?t already know it was coming. This applies not only to everyone left in the game, but to everyone who played the game at any point. But I?m still standing. I played this game hard but fair and it got me here. When we vote to send people to Cocytus, then there are others who deserve your vote. But for Last Debater Standing, vote for the guy who played it clean: me.

But why was I betrayed, rather than kept in the game as an ally? The answer, to me, is that I was considered a significant threat. You don?t betray someone who you think isn?t a very good debater; there?s no point to it. The factions you?re fighting against, when targeted, will call them out. The only reason to betray is to remove a serious threat to your chances. The repeated times that I was betrayed and forced to debate speak clearly to the respect given by the other players, respect that should be reflected in your ballot.

Finally, Last Debater Standing shouldn’t be about scraping your way in by fawning over the dominating presences in the game. More than any other reason, Alan and Jenny got where they are by going along with dictates from the strongest players in the game, Ian and Marie. Patrick and Matt are here because they tried hard not to offend anyone and to ally themselves with whomever seemed most powerful at the time. Obsequiousness is not an honorable trait. After I was backstabbed by Marie and Alan, I beat one of their allies and put together a broad alliance willing to do more than obey commands. Ian and Marie were in charge, and then they and one of their closest allies, Phil, were on the debating block. From an initial position of weakness, I pulled off something that hasn’t happened in two years, and very few people thought could be done.

Vote pdano. Your mother would.



so what so what so what?s the scenario?

Aiyyo Dan knows this (what?), and Pat knows that (what?)
But Al don?t know jack, and Jen can?t rap
Well whaddya know, the Dre Dawg is next up to bat
No kitty pics included, no jpegs attached
No holds barred, no time for bribe makin?
Gots to win the game so I can bring home the bacon
Brothers front, they say ?my case was cool?
But I?M the one who brought you the sweetness of the Starcraft duel, fool
Fake all ya want, but your immunities were cat poop
?Cause here?s the real scoop
I?m all that, a 9.9, tall, dark, and fine
?Stead of following the leader, I put it on the red line (yeah)
Run for the border, go get some Nachos
I?ve been scheming from the jump street, meaning from the get go
Sit back relax and let yourself vote
Don?t sweat what you?ve heard, just follow my flow…

What’s up, y’all?

There?s only three people left in game who have had the cojones to take control of anything- who?ve told others how to vote, who?ve orchestrated twists, whose plans haven?t relied on coasting to glory on the wings of their allies. Those people are Jed, Dan, and me. The other people in this game are cool and all. But they haven?t played the GAME- only the superficial challenges within it. And I know you people want a winner with balls of steel.

Or perhaps- a Uterus?


Look, folks, don?t waste your time with ?I won the most immunities? or ?I debated the most? or ?I beat Jason at cards while he was drunk.? Vote for whoever you want. Vote for someone who entertained you and made you check on what was happening at LDS.

Think about it this way.

(Wayne’s World flashback noises. Finger wiggling.)

– Remember when Patrick wrote some code? And ran more Japan cases? And you scratched and got a beer?

– Remember when Dan debated a lot, even though you don?t really remember about what? And then…well, debated with Andrea? That was cool.

– Remember when Jed knocked off Jake the first week? And then…nothing, except when he tried to screw Dre and Dan, and failed miserably?

– Remember when Matt…did the thing at the place with the stuff?

– Remember when Jenny…is Jenny still playing this game?

– Remember when Alan…yeah, never mind.

(Cue Stars and Stripes Forever.)

– Remember when Dre named her club the Tucker Muldowneys and you were like, man, that movie sucks so much? Remember when Dre ran that Terror Talk K on Travo and there was a big panties-in-a-twist thread about it? Remember when Dre voted for Ian immediately the week he went down and it was like, whoa, wtf? Remember when Dre posted her Starcraft PMC and you thought, man, Dre is one cool girl, I wonder what her build order is?


I won?t waste any more precious time you could be spending with Quizilla or your indie mp3s. I?m the one who?s cheesy and quasi-talented enough to write a take-off of ?Scenario? to get your attention and amuse you (I DARE anyone to top that :P) I thought up the Starcraft round three weeks ago to have some fun if I had to debate Ian and to entertain the audience. I played the external game AND the behind the scenes game. Help a sista out. Rank Dre #1 and do as you may with the rest.

Also, I am hotter than the other players. I?m just sayin?.

You know I did it
So don?t tempt fate ?cause you?ll get out-debated
The Endgame kids have been dominated
Don?t even waste your time with these played-out egos
?Cause here?s Dre telling you, the scenario


Ah, memories. When I signed up for Last Debater Standing, I had never been to a NPDA tournament in my life and had 1 post to my name (in the Introduce Yourself thread)?and this one post only came two minutes prior to my sign-up. I knew nobody on these boards. I was to fend for myself.

The following letter reflects the game of this summer. It is dedicated to everybody, as we were all once novices. Perhaps you can relate to my experiences, when I was thrust in with the piranhas, having known nobody.
[]Friends of Last Debater Standing,
[]I was told about the expert politicians and fierce debaters. But no one expected how I
]would cope against such vicious folks who
[]would tear even the veterans up, and spit them out. I
]was against the titans of the Net Benefits community, who
[]assembled alliances and orchestrated the proper votes to kill precisely who
]they wanted and had no regard for what
[]I wanted. Without any experience, I played
]against the folks who played
[]the game better than anyone else.
[]And here I am, with some of the best players in the game in this final round. I
]am just in awe. They?re all amazing in their own right and
[]deserve to win. Let?s look at the others one-by-one. First, there?s Dre who came coasting into finals
]by putting up a popular Starcraft round. She put the duty of defending an another Starcraft race
[]on the back of her boyfriend, who had to debate numerous times because he
]was repeatedly targeted by people. But he kept winning; clearly each person that targeted him
[]couldn?t politick his way out of a paper bag. And then there?s jEd who never
]had any allies and had to fight for himself. While each other debater never
[]debated or was targeted post-merger because?in reality?alliances protected him. Jenny was
]resurrected from the dead. Unlike the other people that died, she would not be
[]someone who we forgot was even playing. Finally, Alan and Pat both were
]remarkably loyal to others. They would help them out and gather
[]pawns who would act without any thought, just doing someone else’s bidding. Such are your finalists.
[]And so you will now cast your vote for
]whoever you feel most deserves to win
[*]-Matt Vassar

As a psychology major, I?m constantly being taught of defense mechanisms by which people will say what is socially acceptable. In actuality, these defense mechanisms can be deciphered so that one can determine what it is a person truly feels. Now, I encourage you to read between the lines and determine how I really feel about this game. Read only the odd-numbered lines above and all will be revealed to you.

(Have you read only the odd-numbered lines? Okay, then let?s continue?)

All joking and politicking aside, though, there are numerous reasons why you should vote for me?and not just because I?m probably the only debater you know who was ballsy enough to defend the right to bestiality?and won. When I originally entered the game, I did so because I wanted to put the prizes to good use. As you may or may not be aware, I am the head coach of a high school right here in the Bay Area. Furthermore, until their respective faculty recognizes the existence of these programs, I?m assisting with building up two brand new programs at other high schools. The reason I wanted to win the final-round DVDs is so that I could give them to these budding programs, and they could familiarize themselves with the parliamentary debate format before jumping in with the sharks. I’ve always wanted nothing more than to promote the event we’ve all come to love?and now you can help me in this endeavor.

Oh, and did I mention?

[size=7]FREE DRINKS ON ME![/size]

Should I come out victorious, each person that ranked me #1 will be entitled to a free drink of his or her choice on me! It will be redeemable at NPDA, or whichever other tournament we attend together. Even if the $100 won?t cover everyone that voted for me, I?ll be happy to dip into my own pocket for this cause. I?ll also raffle off my DebateWear article of clothing to a random person that ranked me #1.

That?s right, folks. I will be giving away all my prizes if I win?both to the people who voted for me, and to the debaters of the future. For all that it?s worth, I would deeply appreciate your votes.


No one has been disqualified.

We now enter the rebuttal phase. Rebuttal speeches must be posted by 6pm Tuesday, immediately after which ballots may be posted.


Well, someone has to go first. Since I?m not afraid of what others?ll say about me, it?ll be me this time. I won?t have a chance to respond to what others say about me, so just make the safe assumption and figure it would have been devastating.

It?s not really clear why Patrick thinks he?s the best choice for LDS. He admits that his rounds were worse than the Starcraft round, but thinks that you can?t vote for me and Andrea to both win. Sure you can! Me first, Andrea second! Or, if you want to do it in a different order, you can vote for Andrea to take second and put me at the top. Either way. :slight_smile: So Patrick?s really just fighting for third here. Patrick?s hands aren?t as clean as he thinks, either, unless he?s forgotten that he told me he was voting for Alan the week he voted for me. Jet lag might do that. But most importantly with Patrick, he just hasn?t taken any initiative. He coasted along with Andrea and Brendo in his original club, then took both his vacation immunities through the toughest part of the game. I actually agree that he did a pretty good job in his rounds ? hell, I voted for him ? but two successful rounds, both gov on topics that he knew he?d know more about than anyone else, aren?t a great claim to be Last Debater Standing.

Jenny?s tried to make it through this game by being nice to everyone. That?s admirable, but it doesn?t make her the best. She hasn?t shown any great debate ability, winning one and losing one. No one else here has lost a debate, and she only got back in because only three people wrote complete entries for the three resurrection slots. Her politicking has consisted generally of doing whatever Alan, Rob, and Ian asked her to do. It?s not loyalty if you don?t have any choice but to hang on to coattails. I know what she was doing in the first club pretty well, since Alan and another ally were forwarding her PMs to me, and the indecision and uncertainty isn?t indicative of a leader at all. It just doesn?t make sense to support someone who?s here by scraping by on her second time around.

Alan makes a big deal about his lack of connection to anyone in the game. Uhh? not true? Alan?s only been out three years; he knows plenty of people. Out of the seven people in finals, for instance, Alan had personally met 3 of them before the game started, which is, oh, the same number I had. Out of the people in our original club, he knew Rob and Jenny, who I didn?t. This argument?s a farce.

No way Alan arranged who was in the clubs. Jason set those and went on vacation, and Alan?s been told that. Exaggeration in this speech is a given, but outright lies are kind of pathetic.

Alan says he only really had one ally. Way to prove the point about obedience. How in the world was it in Alan?s interest to backstab a friend, someone who would have supported him against the other players in the field? It wasn?t, but it was in Marie?s interest, who was allied with everyone in Tucker and the Revolution except Tinytall and could afford to lose an ally to knock out a rival. So Alan obeyed orders and betrayed me. Backstabbing is a part of the game, of course. But it?s a dark, underhanded part of the game. It?s an effective way to get people out, but when it doesn?t work, there?s a strong element of shame ? see Jed?s post where he realizes he?s screwed after his knifing of me didn?t work. Why support a backstabbing follower? Support an honest leader.

So, Jed. Besides the non sequiturs that make up most of his speech ? funny as they were ? Jed?s argument comes down to two points: one, that he played while moving; second, that he was independent. I don?t know how Jed plans on winning the moving point with Patrick in the game, but whatever; good luck with that. The more important point is this claim of independence and being targeted, which is funny, because Jed constantly tried to form alliances; Phil and Stanford in the second club, for one. He also agreed to form an alliance with me at the end, which he promptly broke by stabbing me in the back. Real individualists never would have tried to get into alliances; they would have trumpeted their independence. And if you?re voting on who?s been targeted? well, that ballot clearly goes to me, then.

Jed?s concept of individuality is nasty, brutish, poor, solitary, and? well, quite tall, but you get the point. If you like the state of nature, full of violence, hate, and porcupines, go ahead and vote for the born-again anarchist. Vote for some decency, though, and support me.

Boy, Stanford got pretty mean there. There?s a lot of assertion in there without much substance (how, exactly, did Andrea ride in on my back?). He got into one alliance with people who were quickly eliminated, beat a freshman, and had his last round fixed for him because he lucked into having his ally judge him. Frankly, he?s being kind of an ass without any game-related reasons to support him. He also doesn?t even seem to know what the rewards are, since the prize is fifty dollars, not the hundred he seems to think it is.

If he really wants those DVDs for selfless purposes, I?m pretty damn sure that he can get high quality debates without paying, either through Jason or through John Meany and Kate Shuster?s high school debate outreach programs. There?s no reason to give him those DVDs for this when he can get them through other sources. But if anything?s earned the right to have the DVDs, it?s this computer. No computer has put more into LDS than this Latitude D600. It?s supported both me AND Andrea the whole way, which is more than any other computer can say, PLUS hosting Ian, Marie, and Amy?s participation for a weekend. Give my computer a break; let it play some fantastic speeches instead of just having to post them. :slight_smile:

The idea that Stanford throws out there, that I can?t politick, is terrible. I was in alliance after alliance after alliance (the last of which included Stanford, incidentally). I wasn?t targeted because I couldn?t politick; I was targeted because everyone saw me as a huge rival on their way to the crown.

Ahh, Andrea. Look, I obviously won?t be sobbing on the keyboard if Andrea wins. She?s done a good job, but she also hasn?t done it as often as I have. Even her cases pay homage to me; smallpox elimination has been a Claremont case since the 1990s, and I kick ass at Starcraft. (Ask Ian or Jason.) So if you want to vote for Andrea as #2, go ahead. But I debated more often, giving you more entertainment, and I deserve the #1 spot. Besides, women have won the last two years. How about a little equality, huh? HUH?!?!?

So that leaves me. I gave more to this game than anyone else has. I endured more, fighting off betrayals, and put more interesting, informative, and fun speeches out there. I?ve debated Scots, national champions, and those closest to my heart. Also, my girlfriend.


I politicked well enough to upset the balance of power from Truman to a much more egalitarian playing field, a feat which no one has pulled off in two years except me, and which made the game hugely more entertaining for everyone. I had people out for me because they knew I was major competition, and they couldn?t knock me off. I didn’t betray allies, even when they were betraying me. I had way more rounds than anyone else, and even took on an extra practice round while in a real round, just because Mark asked. And if you need any other reasons, today?s my birthday. Did you get me anything? Oh, it?s in the mail, huh? Riiiiiiiight. Come clean and give me the gift that keeps on giving ? money and fame. At the end of LDS, vote for pdano: no one?s done more for you this game.



warning. the following rhymes are harsh. harsh but tight. Nobody get their panties in a twist now. I flame because I love.

Watch as I combine all the gripes from these whines
Scroll up, roll up, bring it back, come rewind
Powerful impacts, BOOM! from my post
No boastin, try to beat the Dre and you’re toast
Cup guards might be necessary
A Latina in a fight is red-alert scary
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!
Six finalists debating like they’re little novice froshes
Uh, uh, uh, all over with the game, man
Uh, pardon me, uh, as I take aim
I gave YOU ideas Dan, beg your pardon
Your case is so weak it’s like your name is Chris Darden
Wahhh, Matt, like a smelly baby
Change your Underoos and ranking 2’s a maybe
Try to step to this, Alan, king of ally-whoring
Pass on Pat and Jen, 'cause they’re too damn boring
Individu-this, Jed, get that shit nixed
You’re only still here 'cause your round was straight fixed
Yo, drop the drama, help the Dre Dawg make a dime,
the rhymez are too sweet (uhh!) the post is on time (time!)
Rockin your chones* in surround sound stereo
Respect the Dre and check out the scenario…

Hey peeps!

Irrefutable facts of life:

  1. Mrs. Garrett?s bosom has more sun spots on it. Like this. (Peter changes into Mrs. Garrett?s bosom.)

  2. I am still by far the most creative and entertaining player in finals.
    2a) I have mad rhyming skillz, unparalleled in the LDS universe.
    2b) My two rounds spawned four threads. Beat that.

  3. I am still the hottest player in finals.

What else do you need?

Okay, if you?re not convinced, here?s the rundown:

I really don?t think most of you folks will be ranking Alan, Patrick, Jenny, or Matt very high. Not that they?re not lovely people and all. They just lack…Pep. Vim. Verve. Spirit fingers, even. Read their posts, read Dan?s good comments, move on with your life.

Jed?s commercials are clever, but free of any REAL reasons to vote for him. (I mean, Dan and I have no meat in the house. Our crap smells like roses.) All of Jed?s stature in the endgame came from his winning the reward challenge. Without it, he?s been a undistinguished player and you all know it.

Since Dan started the Fixed Round Confessional, I?ll follow up: Sorry Mallen. Jed didn?t really beat you. A couple allies and I just decided you were a bigger threat, so I pulled the plug. Sorry! So really, folks, Jed is here at my pleasure. Don?t disappoint me. I suggest…4?

warning: Dre goes off on boyfriend next.*

I like Dan and all, but I?m just cuter. And funnier. And I have better hair. And I don?t take credit for wayyyy too much shit. Ask Dan who gave him both of his case ideas AND saved his ass in the gangsta rap round. Ask him how he could have pulled off the quasi-revolution (when Ian, Marie, and Phil were on the block) without…oh, me, Darryl, Hajeer, Jed, and Andrea P.? And Starcraft paying homage to YOU? Don?t flatter yourself, sweetheart. That round was originally slated for me and IAN, and pays homage to ME for being COOL enough to play Starcraft. Face!

Finally, Mr. Meritocratic Republican is reduced to making an affirmative action plea on behalf of his non-game-winning gender. WEAK. Ladies, give him the demotion this pathetic-ness deserves.

Man, Ian and Marie were never this feisty. :stuck_out_tongue:


Vote hot. Vote skillz. Vote Starcraft-playing, shit-talking girlfriend on a rampage. Vote Dre.

*Chones: (CHO-nehs) Spanish slang for ‘undies’. For further translation see: r0x0rs my b0x0rs.


Well, given that a grand total of two people have had the guts/uteri to post responses, this will ignore most of the final contestants, but I guess that can?t be helped.

LDS has been a lot like the United Nations, except with less genocidal dictators and denunciations of Israel.

Yeah, no surprise here, I?m playing as Japan. You may not know what you think about me, and you almost certainly don?t know the amount of pull I have, and that?s just the way I like it. I algorithmically solved about five of the challenges, which kept the Dre/Brendo/me alliance going to pure domination in the Tucker Muldoneys and then let my more visible friends pick immunity winners into the endgame. But don?t just take my word for it, the work and supporting documentation is laid out for you in the Graveyard, browse at your leisure. Yep, I was gone for two weeks ? doing an immunity challenge from 30,000 feet above the Pacific Ocean is difficult. But I wasn?t hiding in the corner ? when it was necessary I brought out mad tech, debate and otherwise, to win my debate rounds. Personally, I think the fact that I can run circles around two very competent debaters is a mark of strength, not the weakness Dan ?I-invented-smallpox-cases? Iforgotyourlastname sees it as, but we can differ on this point. I?m sorry I never got to treat anyone to a round as funny as Starcraft, but the other debaters were more interested in crushing my face than kissing it, and this makes collaboration towards a common goal of entertainment for the peanut gallery rather difficult. And despite this I still managed to run two very educational cases of pressing interest, which I hear we?re supposed to be big on in this community (by the way, for all of you guys who thought your pet cases were hard sells, how many Constitutions did you overturn while starting up a new round of imperialism in Africa and explicitly provoking a nuclear power?)

We?ve got Dan, the United States. Dan is constitutionally incapable of playing well with others and has blundered into five, count them, five shooting wars over the course of this game. He considers this to his credit, no less. Faced with competition from another hegemon (and, giving the fact that they clearly have nukes, I guess MO would be China/Russia), rather than rallying a coalition Dan proceeded to get himself unanimously voted out because he made it quite literally impossible to stick with him and survive. Dan accuses me of being disloyal to him, but my vote wouldn?t have changed anything and the Security Alliance is not a suicide pact ? if he wants to get into nuclear confrontation that is his own affair.

Then there is Dre, who by virtue of her special relationship ends up as the UK. I don?t have any quarrel with Dre, but a little bit of gratitude from her for getting her to the merge wouldn?t be completely out of place (we locked out all the immunity contenders, split them 1:1, and won every vote, with help from Brendo). Aside from the duo-interp with her boyfriend and amusing rap, Dre really hasn?t shown off any of these mad skillz in either debates or immunity challenges. I haven?t ever seen Dre so I can?t testify to her hotness, other than the fact that she is almost certainly better looking than me, but we all know that among debaters GDS outweighs looks anyhow.

Rounding out the big contenders, we?ve got Jed, who I?m assigning to Germany because he fell flat on his face when trying to backstab the US and, since I can?t hear that MP3 at work, is completely unintelligible to me. Yeah, eliminating either Dre or Dan would have been a coup… had it worked. I hear there is something on this MP3 about the challenges about playing while moving ? I sympathize, considering I moved sixteen time zones through four business hotels without internet service and successfully completed two immunity challenges and a debate during what is, for me, in the middle of my workday. By the way, how do you say ?Non-unique? in German?

Vegetathalas, you get dominion over Poland, an eminently respectable country in those decades during which it actually exists. Then before you know it, it gets crushed in a confrontation which totally dwarfs it, while thinking it has played a key role somehow. Then it gets brought back to life because, honestly, no one else wanted the land. And so the cycle repeats for another decade.

Alan is like, well, if the MO alliance was the China/Russia block then Alan is one of the ?stans. There isn?t too much to say here ? Alan had no game presence aside from being a cog in the machine, and was a pretty good cog ? he followed my orders on the spider challenge well enough deny Dan the immunity, which was what the machine needed that day, but any other cog would have worked just as well.

Stanford, with excellent control of post-modern discourses, loving bestiality, and hating the successful world, can only be France. Unfortunately, there is no cheese to properly accompany this whine. I would address his claims to positive accomplishments, except there aren?t any, because there weren?t any.

*So it turns out this was probably one of the two pivotal events of the game, other than Jed?s failed stabberooney near the end, and if you weren?t a participant you probably don?t know what went down. I?ll clear that up for you, as a public service, since I?ve got a couple hundred words left over. The big alliance and clear favorite at the start of the game was the MO Alliance, based around Ian, Marie, and the rest of the Truman squad, although the rest of us MO people were also charter members. After early power consolidations, Marie began to eliminate, and forgive my inexact quote, ?people who could be ringleaders in the resistance?. Separate from this, it was thought that Dan, Dre, Jed, and Jake, among some others, had pull sufficient to organize a counter-alliance if allowed to. Marie instructed me to vote against Jake in Jed?s debate, and while I replied in the affirmative I actually voted on the merits. After the consolidation, Dan ends up in the same club with Alan, Marie, and I, and he is immediately targeted. To target him, we needed to make sure he didn?t win the spider immunity. Amy ran the immunity text against me before posting it, to check for rules discrepancies, and I pointed out that it was solved, but it got used anyhow. So game it we did, arranging for no one to win immunity. During this time, disinformation campaigns orchestrated out of Truman convinced Dan that Alan was getting ready to backstab me because I was too good at immunities or some such, and while it pained me to vote for Dan I had confirmed with everyone that the vote was going to be unanimous. He then challenged RLayne, won a fairly uneventful debate, and then I left the country, missing a very cool immunity challenge (grr) and some political intrigue. The epilogue to this is that the MO alliance declines a bit, eventually cracking during the Wyoming camp, and I?m honestly clueless as to why there. Had the game continued another week we would have gotten to see some more interesting politicking, but it didn?t.

And now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

So anyhow, I was busy convincing you to vote for me. I think I covered the country jokes, rebuttals, and brief history of time. What was left? oh yeah, kitty. Come on, you loved the kitty. You can?t disappoint the kitty. The kitty will be quite upset if I don?t win, and when the kitty gets upset, people die!


Alright so here’s the rundown. Let’s take this in alphabetical order - Dan, Dre, Jed, Patrick, Stanford and Vegetathalas. We’ll finish up with the defense and the merits of me.

Dan - Well first off, we all know that double win was crap. You want to impress me in a Starcraft round? Defend the Zerg. Any 12-year-old poser can defend the Protoss. Yeah - Dan debated a lot. But you know what? That’s only half the game. The other half is politics, and while Dan disses my (and others) abilities to make alliances, he fails to acknowledge that it’s an important skills. Also, let’s talk immunities - Dan took TWO vacation immunities - I took none. So no whining about having to debate - I showed up every single week and managed to GAME my way to the finals.

Dre - A lot of the same applies here. She was the other half of the double win. She also took TWO vacay immunities. And now she’s running a performative contradiction. She says to dock Dan for running an affirmative action plea. She bites her own K for two reasons. First, SHE points out twice that she’s the only woman/womyn/non-man in the game. Second, she only tells the LADIES to dock Dan for the plea. That ignores male feminists who may have been equally offended. That’s an independent reason to drop her a rank or two right there.

Jed - You know, MP3s are nice and all, but at a combined total of 14.5 megs they exclude any person watching who doesn’t have a DSL line. It was a nice try, Jed, but it’s not very friendly to the non-elite who may still want to watch and judge the catfight. I cross-apply the sentiments of the others that, while mildly entertaining, the ads don’t really give warrants.

Patrick - You played from Japan - good for you. You’re good with computers. Good for you. What else have you done for me? You accuse me of being a cog in the machine - but other than devising a strategy for the spider game, what else have you done? You admit yourself you were part of the MO alliance. That seems to me like being a cog in the machine. So on that score, we’re equal. But I win the tie cause you didn’t just take TWO vacay immunities - you took two IN A ROW. You defaulted to the catfight by disappearing during all but the first week of Round 2.

Stanford - All I can say is - you’re still in this game? This guy was so non-involved in anyway that I didn’t even see his name when I first read the list of 7. Honestly, his post took me completely by surprise.

Vegethawhat-the-hell - I got nothing but love for Jenny, but I played her the whole game. From the very beginning she thought she was allied with me, but I was really playing her (Dan can confirm this). I managed to twist her votes so that she was going the way I wanted, and she never suspected a thing about it. Now that, my friends, is skillz. Also, she already lost the game once. She’s only back because of a resurrection challenge. I’ve been here the whole time.

Defense - Alright, to clear a couple things up. First off, I don’t know how Dan and Dre’s relationship work, but Marie and I were a partnership. No one took orders from anyone else. We both discussed each and every decision and stuck by those decisions, and I have the AIM logs to prove it.

As for the club arrangement - that wasn’t a lie. I was honestly misinformed. I gave Amy a wishlist of three things, and all three happened. I honestly couldn’t believe all three would happen without moderater intrevention (All of Me and the Revolution ended up in the same club, for example). I was informed, AFTER posting, that I was incorrect. I therefore withdraw that claim. I will point out, however, that my politics skills were good enough that Amy offered to work on my wishes - they had all been granted already, so her intervention was unneccessary.

Offense - So here’s the deal and why you should vote for me.

  1. I’ve been here the whole game. Through studying for the BAR EXAM, going to the Co-op, the death of my grandmother, a cousin’s wedding and the damn Bar Exam itself, I’ve taken a total of NO vacation immunities. I’ve shown up every week.

  2. Yeah, I didn’t debate much. But that’s because of my skills at this game. I politicked or won immunity (twice) at the right points to avoid debating when I needed time off. I never walked away. Cross-apply the above.

  3. I got mad Constitutional Law skills (for Tiny).

  4. Contrary to Dan’s assertion, I stand by my original post. I didn’t really know anyone in this game. I’d never met Rob (until the Co-op). I’d met Ian and Marie once - at Nats, in March. I knew Jenny from coaching her at a debate camp in high school - three years ago - and coaching her at Nats. Everyone else I met online since joining in February.

To reiterate - you’re voting for me because 1. I showed up. 2. I played the hell out of this game. 3. My political skills 4. My con law skills, and 5. My game skills.

Thanks for your time.

Vote Alan


[list]Folks, I?ll be honest with you. My opponents seem to be offering a lot of gimmicks in order to win your affection. Some of them are rapping, others are displaying images of kittens, and still others are attempting to use zombies to gather your votes. The problem?s that, after being at a place like Stanford for as long as I have, I?ve been utterly sucked of all social abilities. You see, being surrounded by such a brainy populous, that just continually discusses philosophy during faculty dinners, takes its toll on one?s creative thought processes. That, coupled with the fact that dating is nonexistent on campus?you practically have to marry a Stanford girl to kiss her?has left me as a boring blob of thought matter. So, I won?t offer you any gimmicks[/list]
[size=7]FREE MONEY![/size]

[list]No, no gimmicks at all.[/list]
[size=7]FREE DRINKS, TOO![/size]

[list]I?ll just defeat my opponents with sound, logical arguments, as always.

But, first, let?s see what you?ll get for voting me #1. I previously promised free drinks at NPDA or any other tournament to each person that ranked me #1. But there was something else that I didn?t tell you, for fear of another player hijacking the idea.[/list]
[size=7]FREE MONEY![/size]

[list]If you want your free drink, it would do you well to get your NB friends to come and vote for me as #1. Not only will they also get free drinks, but they?ll help to secure your drink by helping to ensure my victory. But to sweeten the deal further, I?ll give you a dollar for every eligible voter that you refer. Just have the person you referred send me a PM, telling me that they were referred by [you]. Give me your mailing address, and I?ll send all the money you earned to you immediately after confirmation of my victory. Pretty easy, huh? So, now?s your opportunity to profit by having friends dig up accounts that they used once and never signed in again. (Remind them that they must rank all 7 competitors and give an RFD for each. No ties allowed.)

There?s no limitation to my kindness, and you can get as much money as you like from this offer. I might even consider changing my name to Arthur Fortune, so you can form a conga line behind me and start chanting, ?We love Arthur Fortune! He gave us a dollar!? (Yes, that was a shameless Simpson?s reference). And don?t forget that someone is guaranteed to receive my DebateWear article of clothing by raffle.

Furthermore, I encourage you to remember that I?m giving away all my DVDs to upstart parli programs. Dan tries to maliciously rip these DVDs out of the hands of these young minds by saying they can be obtained by other means, but my question for you is: why? If we?re so close to getting them right now, why not just seal the deal?[/list]
Okay. Let?s respond to my opponent?s claims, and reaffirm why your vote lands with me. First, I?m going to respond to some positions that multiple opponents posited, and then I?m going to respond to individual claims:

?I eliminated Ian and Marie!?

[list]Guys, please. Do you really expect us to buy this? The only reason why Ian and Marie were eliminated was because they didn?t show for their debate rounds. It seems like you?re just desperate to point to success somewhere, and so you?re pointing to this.

With that said, I?m going to go out on a limb and say that if Ian and Marie chose to debate their rounds, they?d probably be here in finals with us. Their debate record speaks for itself, as does their politicking. They made it through NPDA only dropping one ballot (in sems, to Berkeley), and were the toughest competition in Survivor II, taking 1st and 3rd place.

So, please don?t try to claim that you were responsible for their elimination. It?s a silly argument to make, and an impossible one to prove.[/list]
?I?m such a great politician!?

[list]Right up top, I?d like to mention something that my opponents have failed to reconcile: I?ve played this game better than all of them combined.

In response to their claims that they?ve politicked well?:bs. The fact of the matter?s that I?ve had the vast majority of the finalists in my pocket at various points in the game. Dre, jEd, Dan, and Alan were all allied with me. Strong correlation, huh? There are only two people who made it here without my direct assistance: Jenny and Pat. Quite frankly, though, they only made it here because they mindlessly followed the directions of Ian and Marie (fine politicians that they are).[/list]
?Oh, man! I debated so much/well!?

[list]Remember that no one here has debated more than me except jEd and Dan. Furthermore, no one?s been as ballsy as me in debates. I put myself at intentional ground disadvantages twice: first, having to defend exemptions to antitrust acts, and, second, having to defend the abolishment of marriage. And I always came out successful.[/list]
?I have a cute kitten!?

[list]Quite frankly, I found kittens being held hostage in these people?s basements. Here are some pictures:

Fortunately, I swung by just in time to rescue them. If you?re going to vote for anyone on kittens, vote for the man who rescues them?and not for the people that kept them hostage. I make kittens happy!

?I?m a zombie/zombies support me!?

[list]Dude, have you ever wondered why zombies are always walking slowly at you, moaning, with their arms held out in front of them? Have you ever wondered why those same zombies just chase you and chase you, even as you run and scream?

Well, as the primary liaison between the living and undead, I can tell you that it?s because they?re getting upset by all this de-undead-izing. Your exploitation of zombies for the sake of votes is upsetting them. They?ve also reported instances of several candidates here in finals firing rifles at them.

Will you never learn? They?ll just keep chasing after you even after you shoot them. Even if there?s nothing left but an arm, it?ll still crawl after you, using its fingers as legs.

(realistic-looking arm there…)[/list]
Okay. Individual claims:


[list]I think that you yourself said it best when you wrote, ?Oh, you don’t remember me.?[/list]

[list]It?s already been pointed out numerous times that there?s no substance, nor reason to vote for you, in your ads, amusing as they may be. But:

[list=1][*]You?ve never been an individual, and

[*]I?m the only candidate to travel east-to-west, south-to-north and back again during the course of the game, making my way from Cali to Colorado to Georgia to Colorado to Cali to Washington to Alaska to Washington to Cali. All the while, actively instructing at debate institutes. I?ve lived in nine different homes along the way ? no one has been more loyal to the game than I.[/list=1][/list]
[list]As I read your first speech, one word sprung to mind: hyperbole. Everything you claim is a gross exaggeration of the truth. You claim that you ?pulled off something that hasn?t happened in two years,? but all you really did was won a few debate rounds. Please, people here do that all the time. It?s not that big a deal.

But then I read your second speech, and I was shocked that anyone?much less you?would be so belligerent. Just so everyone is aware, prior to posting, I sent Dan and Dre both PMs, saying that I didn?t want this to devolve into a flame war. I can?t say as I was too shocked when it did, though, as I think they both feel somewhat threatened. So, I told them that I carefully calculated the situation, and decided that I would have to respond in kind (fight flames with flame, as it were), lest I look weak in the eyes of the public. If you?re going to vote against someone for ?being kind of an ass,? vote against the people who started the flame war, and forced me to respond as I did.

As for Dan’s other claims?

First he tries to claim that Andrea never rode in on his back, but this is killed by the facts. As Dan and I were in the grassroots of creating the alliance he now boasts so strongly about, I asked him how we should set up its hierarchy. He unequivocally told me that he wanted Andrea to come first, and I granted it?knowing that, with time, it would be easy to off Dan due to the large political support against him, and knowing that Dre would follow once he was gone.

But I really didn?t need to tell you this. All you needed to do is look to Dan?s last speech, and see how he?s still defending her?indeed, the first claim of mine that he attacked, was the one against her. Note that no other person in finals except for Dre is accepting this kind of help.

Finally, Dan puts two attacks on me:

[list=1][]That I misremembered the cash prize, and that it?s $50. Fine. You caught me. Whoop-di-doo. But I misremembered because I?m the only candidate that doesn?t wish to keep the prize, but, rather, give it away to the people who supported me.
]He then says I only won because I rigged a round. First: :bs. Second, if you don?t believe that I won the round, I encourage you to look for yourself: do you really think I lost when my opponent dropped a kritik with bigger impacts than anything else in the round? Errr?This one?s a no-brainer, Dan. And, finally, I?d like to point out that I find it infinitely amusing that?in his first speech, Dan accuses me of not really playing the game?but in his second speech, I?m this big bad meany-head who rigs debate rounds and kills the competition that get in my way.

Okay, Dan, you managed to catch me again. I played the game, and I?m not sorry for that. It?s explicitly written into the rules that politicking and betrayal is encouraged. Don?t hate because I played better.[/list=1][/list]

[list]You don?t give a lot of reasons why you deserves to win. All you say is that 1. you?re hot, 2. you?re creative, and 3. you can rhyme. Great, great, and great. The fact of the matter?s that I am and can do all of these things as well, but have chosen not to because that?s not what the game is about. I?m the only one of the seven candidates who has played this game, and for that I deserve to win.

Finally, she asks us to rely on Dan?s analysis for her. But this just shows how she?s piggybacking on him, and how she hasn?t really offered us anything to vote for her on.[/list]
Alan and Pat

[list]I don?t need to spend a lot of time here, either. Your highlighting of your undying servitude of Marie does all I need to back my original claim that you never played the game for yourselves.[/list]

Let me give you a little analysis here: If you?re voting for what?s good for parli debate future, your vote is with me because I will use my prizes to promote our event. If you?re voting for the best politician, your vote lands with me because I?m the only one who?s played the game. If you?re voting for quality of posts, your vote will go to either jEd or myself, as we were the only two to receive kudos for our posts in the Catfight Audience thread. If you?re voting out of self-interests, your vote still lies with me, as I?m the only candidate that?s promised to give you cash, drinks, and clothing. But no matter which criterion you use to vote, it seems the decision is pretty clear: Vote Vassar

All right. Let’s light this candle! Open the ballot box!

Much love from Stanford?s NPDA captain! :slight_smile: [you] rules!


No pictures this time.

First, a quick note on how you should use your ballot: You’re going to be looking at politics before anything else. It doesn’t take much work to defend stem cell research, win a case area no one knows anything about, or triumph over someone from another style of debate who doesn’t know the rules. The lack of non-verbals from judges and the occasional fixed rounds make debates even more random than usual. The format itself is different and throws many a person off. On the other hand, politically, the difficulty comes not in finding an unbeatable case or guessing what the judge is thinking, but from forming connections out of nothing, from trying to determine whether or not an ally is trustworthy when you have nothing to go on but a pm and a rumor. This is the level playing field, the fun of the game, the part that requires true skill and intelligence. If you’re voting somewhere, I’d advise voting here first, simply because it’s the heart of the game.

Some notes on competitors.

Dan: My goal going into this game was to use my unknownness to my advantage, strategizing under the radar so no one knew how important I really was. The fact that Dan makes such baseless accusations just shows how out of it he was. If anything, I was usaully decision-maker in the big-three, though we were all pretty much equals there. I definitely was not doing whatever Alan and Rob told me to do. I was the one who went and approached Miranda and Mark for alliances, I was the one who talked Alan into voting out you, if we could. Ian and I always talked extensively over who to vote out, and I usually agreed with him. I knew our alliance wouldn’t last forever. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a significant other to coordinate things with to eliminate Marie at the same time, so I thought that if there was a time to turn, it would be post-consolidation. The fact that somebody else beat me to it doesn’t make me a toy or a non-thinking individual. I was already fighting against my own elimination post-merge, trying to talk Dre into another alliance against the club of Jed. Politics didn’t matter then, but I can think on my own, thank you very much. There was only one point in the game where I was completely out of it when due to a personal tragedy, and the direct result of that was me being voted out. However, I recovered, came back, and determined that I was not going to be that vulnerable again. Looking at a debate record standpoint, if you go to a tournament and only lose one round, that’s a good record. We’ve all remembered that one debate where we fail to adapt and we make a mistake, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t good debaters. Remember, debates aren’t symptoms of LDS success- they come from it’s failures. The only way I could meet Dan’s standard is to: a) fail to win immunity and b) fail to manuever politically to avoid call-outs. So in other words, to win more debates, I’d have to fail to play the game. I’m sure next year I will psychically predict when the last round is so I can lose immunity the round or two before it and fight the good fight, but until I down a little nuclear radiation, my record stands as is and I defend it and say it proves a) I’m a good debater b) I’m so good at playing the overall game I didn’t need to debate. This is a debate and in the warrant department, I’m not relying on ignorance to get you to vote for me, which shows I can debate if I wanted to. Alas, I never found the need. Don’t vote for Dan because he lacked the real skills of the game.

Alan: It isn’t something to brag about when you play two alliances against each other, especially when they both know what you’re doing and it makes you a target. Rob thought you were so untrustworthy he wanted to vote you out waaay earlier than necessary. It was I who kept convincing him that a flaky ally was better than a sworn enemy, so he didn’t turn on you. We tried to replace you in the alliance with Cait after the club swap, and next turn we were planning on going to Dan because we decided we would rather have him on our side. Unfortunately, that never happened because I fell out of competition. Making alliances and betraying them just paints a red target on your forehead labelled “duplicitous” and made you a figure of resentment. I had strong alliances and friendships with people, and didn’t ever find the need you did to turn against people. The only person I ever turned against was you, and that’s because I felt you were very untrustworthy. And apapting to British parlimentary style is not a reason to vote. I was only out of the game a SINGLE round. No biggie.

Jed: After Sept 11th, Jed attended absolutely no Zombie liaison meetings. There’s what Jed says and there’s what Jed does. Exploit kittens because it helps draw attention to their cause. Jed draws attention to bowl movements. Which would you rather have been thinking about?

Patrick: I won waaay more immunity challenges and I didn’t use computers to do it. I had my own wits and skills to help me, and I live in Oregon where it rains a lot. That’s as good a reason as voting for someone who lives in Japan.

Stanford: Didn’t do anything. Offers bribes but I offer them also.

Dre: Have to argue with the hottest debater part. I suppose it’s a matter of taste, though.

Oh, so ya don’t think the little white girl can rap?
Don’t go there sista, cause you’re gonna get snapped.
Don’t judge me or smudge me cause you don’t even know me
The fact that you’re tryin’ only proves that you’re phony.
Because I didn’t need to offer her an alliance
She seems to think I was just another appliance?!!
Equality and friendship don’t make you a puppet
So just take your accusations and go shove it.
But if she feels the need to take a shot this cheap?
It only shows one thing: Jen’s got the uterus beat.


Thread is now locked.

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